As a little girl, I often felt like no one in the world understood me. No one knew how to communicate with me in a way that made me feel special. I felt ordinary and common. I didn’t feel pretty, beautiful or as if I mattered very much. As a matter of fact, an adult once told me I was ugly and because I was raised in a generation where whatever an adult said was the gospel, I believed the lady that spoke this to me. Among other lies spoken to me, the major one that affected my choices was that my biological father didn’t want me so he rejected me. I grew up in a home where we had a daddy, but he wasn’t MY daddy. However, he raised us and we called him daddy. He provided for us, took us on trips, disciplined us and was mama’s companion for nearly 14 years. In spite of this I never felt like daddy’s little girl. I longed to feel special, appreciated, and adored. I wanted to know what it felt like to be his “baby girl”. I wanted to be poured into and encouraged. In daddy’s defense he had no clue how to do that and neither did my mother. My “normal” became a world void of affection and affirmation, which were later used by the enemy to seduce me into being involved with men who weren’t good for me.
For so many years I secretly waded through man after man, so easily giving in to their desires without considering the ramifications. If a boy or man showed me the slightest bit of attention my rational thinking took a hiatus and I latched on to him, or the fantasy of him, for dear life! I was carrying the aura of desperation so I only attracted men who wanted to get their freak on and “be out”! After all, dysfunction attracts dysfunction! Most of them didn’t stick around to make anything permanent and truth be told, I didn’t want them to. Once we “went there” the thrill was gone and in my mind he became just like all the rest. On the outside I appeared to be a strong woman who could deal with guys in a “no-strings”, cold, calculated way when in reality I wanted to be loved so badly. I wanted some man, any man to adore me or just pay attention to me. I wanted him to speak life to my dying spirit. I was basically prostituting myself for emotional gratification. Truthfully, I was broken from abuse and years of always feeling emotionally neglected.
A funny thing happened on the way to having my third child. Jesus began to draw me with His lovingkindness. He drew me by introducing me to His word and showing me what He said about me. Yes, about little old Tamara! And guess what? I believed Him. First, He guided me to Colossians 2:10 which speaks of me being complete in Him. Then He led me over to Jeremiah 1:5 to show me He knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb. He didn’t stop there! He went on to show me over in John 3:16 that He SO loved me that He gave His only begotten son for me. In Psalms 139:14 He shared that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And for the coup de grâce, He boldly emphasized in Genesis 1:27 that He created me in His image! Whatchu say!?!? When I finally realized that I was fabulous just the way God created me and that He loved me no matter what, I began to love myself. I settled in my heart and spirit that only His best would do. My view of myself and my view of men changed. I learned how to have wholesome, pure, honest friendships with men because I’d finally learned how to accept me just the way I was without needing validation or approval from them. In other words I stopped flipping out just because a man was kind and nice to me. And I stopped expecting them to give me something they were not assigned to give me.
As I continue to abide in God He continues to abide in me. We often refer to God as our Father but I made a decision to LIVE like He is my father. As I said earlier I wasn’t cherished or adored by my earthly dad but God said He’d be a father to the fatherless. I surrendered my heart totally to Him and became a Daddy’s Girl! He dotes on me, spoils me and meets EVERY need I have. He disciplines me while continuing to love on me daily. There is not one need that He hasn’t met, especially my emotional needs. He’s my best friend because I can tell Him anything without fear of rejection or criticism. There are even things I haven’t verbally voiced to Him but because I delight myself in Him, He gives me the desires of my heart without me having to say a word. I am truly a bona fide Daddy’s Girl! My Dad is a hero….He’s the savior of the world!
©2011 by Tamara D. Davis
Scriptures taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you never know just how much others have gone through similar situation and have similar outcomes.........Ive learned that i have been set apart from the rest and because of that the things that the world teaches us is ok, i was never able to enjoy them, feel comfortable within that way of living ( things and ways of the flesh) I was always feeling as though there was something else, something missing something i was supposed to be doing instead of being taken advantage of becuase (satan knew my weakness)........I learned that the something was GOD!It took me a while to come to that revelation for I had left HIM out of the equation, running away from HIM actually because i felt as though He didnt understand the temptation that i was going through and didnt undetstand my need of wanting to belong,after all how could he since he had taken my mother away from me, the Human replica of himself that was created for nuturing,showing affection, and establishing self worth. How could HE take someone of that importance and then care enough to fill a void in my life when the Void was created By Him.(SIGHING)'like i said it took a long time for me to get through that and understand like you he is my Daddy (mother)and was always there for me never to harm me(jeremiah29:11)and the feeling of abandonment was a seed planted by satan so that i would never establish the link between me and my Daddy(mother)because satan feared the Power that would be unleashed once i understood who i am and who's i am. I found myself and at that point i stopped trying to live my live like common folks but started to live a inconsiderate life ( Pastor Chicano Dials)A life of self worth and prosperity ...I know now that feeling of overwhelming love that i had been looking for, the feeling of completness, affection, comforting words that are followed by actions.......where things that i could only oobtain from GOD and a true worshiper of Him. THank You Daddy (mom) the Bar is Set....... I know who's i am
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